Like so many people I know, when we are part of a relationship, we want it to be strong. something we have faith in, feel comfortable in and enjoy with whoever we are in the relationship with. However, for some reason, so many relationships seem to get to a phase where 'we just didn't get along anymore'. Something in the relationship seems to change. The initial euphoria and the 'exreme love' for eachother is felt so greatly in the early phases of the relationship, but then over time, things start to change. The feeling of importance that you felt so strongly from your partner initially starts to wear off, and instead of 'feeling so important' you start to question the love your partner has for you.
I know this is an issue in a lot of relationships, because I have read so many books on 'what makes a perfect partner' and how to have the perfect relationship. There's obviously questions needing to be answered by people in relationships, otherwise these books would no longer sell.
As a curious kind of guy, I was also in the search of 'how to be the perfect partner'. I read so many books, so may blogs and heard so many peoples thoughts, but the one book that stood out to me more than any other, was this book by Gary Chapman.
The Five Love Languages.
The book is written by a marriage councellor of more than 30 years, and he believes that people communicate, and feel loved in five different ways. He says that it's our responsibility to learn the 'language' of our partner in order for them to 'feel loved'. Becasue once we ourselves are feeling loved, it makes it so much easier to show love in return. The languages are:
Physical Touch - The simple things like holding hands, hugging and kissing etc
Revieving Gifts - Having presents bought for you
Acts of Service - Cooking tea for your partner, cleaning the house, washing the car.
Quality Time - Spending time drinking coffee, watching movies, going to the beach
Words of Affrmation - Complimenting your parnter, Encouraging them.
It is our job in the relationship discover what makes our partner 'feel loved'. Gary Chapman believes that if these simple steps are taken, then your have what it takes to be a part of a meaningful, long lasting relationship. I've heard so many people hit panic mode in their relationship when things aren't going as smoothly as they had hoped.
From what I have read, and experienced myself in a brief yet exciting two and a half years wtih Jessie, it's the mis-communication which seems to cause the conflict. When we start to understand what puts us in the 'good books' with our partner, we also begin to see dramatic changes in the way our partner treats us.
I have to admit, I think the biggest problems in our relationships are so often caused through our lack of understanding of our partners intentions, or not being able to recognise the ways in which the try and express love towards us.
It seems to be the little things, which send such powerful messages.
Learn their language.
Enjoy the results.
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